skins

Don’t be shy. You can take another piece of me. Everyone else already has.

Until there’s nothing left. Until I disappear.

So it’s been so long since you said,
"well i know what i want and what i want’s right here with you.

I rarely write or say what is actually on my mind. I will say crude things, I will say humorus things; but nothing that holds any weight. I’m scared to death of rejection and having any emotional attatchment to anything. So I keep myself guarded and I keep you far away from me. I push and I push until everyone is on the edge of a cliff, far far away from my heart. Its a trait that will be the end of me, but I can’t stop it. I’ve been ruined by every lie he ever told, every hand thats been placed upon my shoulder; I am damaged goods and you shouldn’t want me. I ruin people like they have ruined me. I am incapable of truely loving something back because nobody can get through my walls and bridges and locks.

And maybe I’ll sleep at the station because there’s nothing to go home to but an empty fridge and some stale mayonnaise.

And maybe I’ll make friends with the guys sleeping under cardboard boxes and newspapers and we’ll discuss what it means to love and to live.

And maybe I’ll wander the city, one lost particle in a dust storm of Mondays, late nights and reports due yesterday.

And maybe I’ll get on a plane or a ship and get lost in places I’ve never been lost in before.

And maybe I’ll keep my phone on me in case you call. And tell me there’s something to come home to.